Addiction in the 21st Century
GRANOLA: THE UNTOLD TRUTH
My name is "Archure". I am a Granola Junkie.
Its 5:00 AM, but the Whole Foods Market does not open till 8. I wait in the cold.
Tools of the trade. A granola bowl, and a granola spoon, both possible signs of an addict.
But granola can be eaten by hand, handful at a time.
"Its not that granola is bad. Its good. Its just that it contains fat, I am trying to diet, and it costs money, money which would ordinarily go for important things, like paying rent, bills, sending money to my mom, donations to worthwhile charities like www.PETA.org, money I could be spending on dating beautiful women at www.veggiedate.org But granola has taken over my life, my existence. I live for granola. And somehow, I manage to survive, somehow manage my daily fix of granola, but for how long? When will it all end?"
"I am not the only one" says Archure. It is estimated that hundreds of thousands of Americans are addicted to Granola, otherwise known as simply "G".
Granola can be bought by the bag, it can even be found in some schools.
Rumor is that even the President of these here United States is secretly addicted to granola.
Archure also says "Many people wont cop to it, but Granola leads to harder stuff, I was strung out on Oreos for several months (regular, original, double stuff, chocolate, mint, that was enough to get me addicted). Alot of people think Oreos are nothin, but if you live your life by them and can't live without them, its a different bag"
But Archure admits "It's Granola that got me started".
When will it all end?
Is there an answer?
"It's not going to end till health food stores quit pushing it. They're the reason were on the streets, spending our last dime on more granola".